When you hear all the Happiness gurus like myself say “you can choose happiness”, do you have a “yeah but” reply where you think “how can I choose happiness when THIS is happening in my life?” (THIS being any area of your life that is not working well, feels frustrating, overwhelming or makes you feel angry, lost or depressed.)
There is a belief within you (when you ask that question) that it is not possible to choose happiness.
This must be a “hot topic” since one of the TV shows I watch, “Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist”, addressed this on one of its episodes. I love this show and find it to be light & fun entertainment! I really enjoy the premise of it. Essentially, Zoey goes in for an MRI and after the test, she begins to hear people’s innermost thoughts and desires – and here’s the kicker … she hears them through popular songs that her co-workers, family, neighbors & strangers are singing and dancing to! And these people have NO idea that she has this unusual “gift”! Cool plot line, huh?
In the “Choosing Happiness” episode, Zoey is curious how her neighbor and good friend can appear so happy with all of life’s bumps in the road. Mo tells her that you “CHOOSE happiness”. So, the next morning she wakes up and decides “ok, this is the day … I am choosing happiness” and starts her day off on a positive note. But not too soon into the day, she gets to work and finds out she has to FIRE a bunch of her employees. Well, that put a kink in her “choosing happiness” plans! And then more things happen that showed her that “choosing happiness” is easier said than done!
Of course, this particular episode got my attention since I am a Law of Attraction Happiness Coach and I teach my clients how to be happy, despite any adversity they are facing!
So, here’s my take on “choosing happiness” …
We can always choose how to respond to what life throws our way.
But, sometimes life does throw us some doozy of curve balls and in that moment in time, “choosing happiness” may not be within our reach.
In the TV show, Zoey allowed herself to get thrown off by the negative events of the day. And she didn’t know the best way to navigate those events. And yes, negative news, whether it’s “you have to fire some employees (some bosses might find that enjoyable – but Zoey didn’t) or whether it is “you are the employee that was laid off” or maybe ‘you got diagnosed with a health condition” or a “loved one dies suddenly and unexpectedly” … that type of news doesn’t exactly elicit a “Weeeee … let me be happy right now and choose it!”
I think you would agree with me on that.
However, you can choose to respond in a way that will feel softer on your vibrational being and serve you better in the future.
Let me explain …
You see, the target emotion or vibration is NOT “Happy” all the time.
WHAT???? Did a Happiness Coach just say that? YES I DID!
From my experience, the target vibration or feeling is “RELIEF” or “PEACE” or a vibe of “ALL will be WELL” (which is a story you choose to tell yourself) and that would be something you choose AFTER releasing all the emotions you initially feel in response to that adversity you are facing.
In the show, Simon tells Zoey how important it is to feel all the emotions and allow yourself to feel what you feel (I mention this in 2 of my podcast episodes on Processing Grief (Part 1 & Part 2).
What he doesn’t mention is that after allowing yourself to feel the emotions and release them, then this is where “choice” comes in.
But not necessarily choosing happiness right away.
You work your way up to that feeling of joy and happy. Some could reach it sooner than others, but there is no race. You just need to be deliberate about what you are choosing in response to life’s negative events. Be aware. Know yourself really well and allow yourself to initially have the reaction that is going to release something negative within you (finding that “relief”).
Think about that vibration or feeling of RELIEF. What comes to mind first when you think of feeling relief? For me .. it’s an AHHHHHHHHHHH or releasing a breath out – it’s felt in the physical body by a loosening of the tightness in the shoulders. It’s a “chill” kind of vibe where you feel like you have detoxed from those negative vibes!
SO, after you allow all those initial feelings (e.g., sadness, frustration, anxiety, anger), you can actually ask yourself “What would it take for me to feel some RELIEF in this situation?” “What could I choose to tell myself or believe?” What could I do to bring me that feeling of relief? When you answer that question, you are turning your vibe around and heading in a new direction … a better one, a happier one!
What do I personally do to activate the feeling of relief? I meditate and do some deep breathing exercises. Sometimes I go for a 4-mile walk in nature. Sometimes I choose to go on a rampage of appreciation for all that IS working in my life (attitude of gratitude). Sometimes I choose to tell myself a story that “All will be well and this is just temporary or this too shall pass”. Sometimes I use the power of my mind to visualize the outcome I desire (especially when I have no flippin’ clue how I am going to get there). I do whatever it takes to reach for RELIEF and that AHHHHHHHHHH feeling. Because I know that “relief” is within my reach at that point in time (after I release all those emotions in response to the adversity).
So, next time you hear “Choose Happiness” … I want you to realize that “happy” doesn’t have to be your goal every single moment of the day. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t recommend it. Just choose to reach for a feeling of relief after you have allowed yourself to feel those negative emotions and pivot to that better feeling place … that’s how you Color Your Life Happy!
