I recently had a coaching client ask me the following questions via e-mail:
“How can I focus on what I want to change in my life but meanwhile, be content with what is and detached from the outcome?”
What a fabulous, philosophical question — one that I thoroughly enjoy answering from my clients each and every day. It is definitely something that many of us have a hard time doing … “being detached from the outcome” or even “making peace with what is”. Often we know what we want, but find ourselves very attached to everything happening in a certain way and in a certain time frame (oooh, am I guilty on the latter — I want it NOW! Do you ever feel that way?). Unfortunately (or fortunately … depending on how you look at it), it doesn’t always happen that way, and sometimes for very good reasons.
So here was my reply to my client:
There are a few pieces to this question that needs to be addressed.
First, you need to identify what you REALLY want. What will make your heart sing? What will light you up if you were able to achieve this goal? Sometimes we don’t have all the details of this and we oscillate back and forth with what exactly it is that we would like to have, but often we can definitely get clearer by observing the things that we don’t want and turning those around (like a 180 degree turn) to what we do want. Many people think they don’t really know what they want, but, they actually do because they know what they DON’T want! Make sense? Now, I know this is not the essence of your question, but I felt it was important to address the part of “knowing what you want”.
You know what you DO want because you know what you DON’T want.
Now … to the heart of the question: Knowing what you want while simultaneously …
1) Being content with the outcome … hmmmm, well, I think what you are asking here is how to make peace with the outcome you are getting and still believe that you can manifest what you really want. It really comes down to knowing that no matter what is in front of you, there are an infinite number of ways to attract what you want into your life. Matter of fact, sometimes the outcomes you are getting (that you may not be content with) are the exact ones that need to happen in order for you to get what you want (even though it doesn’t appear that way at the time). And sometimes, the outcome that you are getting (that may not be that close to what you really want) gives you even MORE clarity as to what you want. So, how to be content with where you are at, with a clear intention of where you want to go is something that you decide to do – it’s a choice. It’s also an inner knowing, a confidence that it will all work out. Which leads to the second part of your question …
2) Being separated from the outcome — which I believe you are referring to as “being detached” from the outcome. The answer is similar to #1, but slightly different in that “being detached” or “separated” from the outcome means that you can’t NEED this outcome to happen. Need repels. Detachment and Trust attracts. So, when we decide what it is we really want AND choose to let go of the HOW it is going to happen and detach ourselves from the outcome, that’s when the magic happens — that’s when the doors open, the surprising opportunities come our way (that we never could have cooked up in our minds), that’s what LOA calls the “ALLOWING” space or the Art of Allowing. There is no resistance to what we are faced with in this current moment. There is no focus on lack. There is just a peaceful, flowing energy that feels light-hearted and refreshing, with a conviction and knowing that it is all going to unfold perfectly so that we are living our dreams.
How do you get to that Feeling Place of “Detached”?
Now, let’s talk about how we get to that “feeling” place of ALLOWING and detaching from the outcome:
There are many things that can help you to “detach” from the outcome. Just the reminder that the NEED will repel what you really want to attract into your life, is good enough for some people to let go and detach from the outcome. Sometimes affirmations help to keep you detached and removed while still believing that what you really want is going to happen (and these affirmations have to be ones that are felt to the core of your being — not just words you are speaking).
Also, releasing exercises like NPA or the Sedona Method can help to bring you to that “allowing” place and being at “peace with what is” so that you can change the situation to a more desirable outcome. It’s funny, because many people think it is the opposite way … that if we just dwell and try to figure it out and find the HOW, then it is going to happen … but this is NOT the case. Yes, determination is a big piece of the puzzle (i.e., being a “go-getter”), however, if there is too much “attachment” to wanting it and NEED, then the Universe views that as “you are rooted in the LACK of having what you want” — which as you know only means one thing … that you will get more lack.
Learn how to be easier about it all.
It truly is an “art” to ALLOW what we want to come into our lives. So many of us fall into that belief that we have to “work hard” and/or “do things in a certain way” to make things happen. But that’s not the case. We just need to learn how to be easier about it all and TRUST more that what we want can come to us in a gazillion ways once we make peace with what is and let go of HOW it is all going to happen and be a little bit more “loosey goosey” with the exact outcome. After all, something even better than the outcome that you are cooking up in your mind could happen — so why be attached to that specific outcome?
Allow the Universe to unfold its magic!